


The Ghost of You

by MaryIsADisaster



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner, newtmas - Fandom
Genre: ALL RELATIONSHIPS BUT NEWTMAS ARE SIDE RELATIONSHIPS OR ONLY HINTED AT, Angst, Fix It, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Mention of major character death, Minho is a sassy bitch, Panic Attacks, Safe Haven, also who am i to let it stay that way, and deeptalk, and some fighting scenes because plot, mentions of thomresa, minho and thomas pity themselves, mixture from the books and movies, newtmas is endgame, newts technicalls dead but ill find a way to change that, soulmates are something thats forged by experiences, theres a lot of talking, theres love, you dont have to know how teresa survived
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24274159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryIsADisaster/pseuds/MaryIsADisaster
Summary: Thomas is in Save Haven, has got his best friend back and his former girlfriend (because despite me not liking Teresa, I think her death could have easily been avoided). He is finally happy, save and free of fears, or so it seems. Thomas tries to rebuild his relationship with Teresa because some things are just meant to be, right? But there is a ghost he just can't let go off, which follows him in his dreams and his everyday life. Seeing the love of your life die from your own hands is something you definitely can't forget, especially if the "love of your life" part has never been experienced or even talked about because battles had to be fought and there has never been time for feelings.
Relationships: Newt & Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), newtmas
Comments: 34
Kudos: 46





	1. Prologue: Dreams and Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, this is a small little fic I thought about writing and I hope you like it. It is a small chapter, because it is more of a prologue and I am just finding out how to work here :)
> 
> Have fun!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas can't let go of an old ghost and dreams of the past

"Newt!", Thomas shouted while opening his eyes and sitting up immediately, breathing heavily. For a second, he expected to look next to him and find Newt laying there, awake, ready to hug and comfort him. But the person next to him was Teresa, asleep, not even noticing his night terrors. In moments like this, Thomas missed Newt even more than usual. It was not about him being alone, it was because sharing beds and bad dreams was kind of his and Newt's thing. And because Teresa and he only shared a bed. Thomas shook himself free of the thoughts and turned to his side to give Teresa a kiss on her head.

"Oh come on!", a way too familiar voice said with disgust. Thomas turned around and looked through the room, his eyes wide open in shock. There, leaning against the wall next to the door was Newt. 

Newt looked stunning. His blonde hair was wavy and looked unbelievably fluffy. His skin was clear of dust and mud, but most importantly of the black veins and blood. He was wearing a white shirt, which defined Newt's muscles in a way that made Thomas' stomach turn, and black jeans Thomas had never seen before. He looked healthier than Thomas had ever seen him, even in their best times in the Scorch. Newt stretched his neck and smiled and made Thomas' heart shatter into a million pieces. Last time he had seen that smile was when he told Thomas about the flare. It was a smile of pity, but full of love and sorrow. That smile was what made Thomas realize that Newt was not really there, that he did not come back from death to save Thomas' soul and pull it out of the black abyss it had fallen into when he stabbed Newt.

Before Thomas was able to say anything to Newt, he was gone and it felt as if Thomas had lost Newt again. He was not even sure of him having been there, but he could swear that it was Newt's voice and his smile. It did not matter what exactly had happened but Newt made Thomas feel like vomiting by the thought of touching Teresa or sleeping in the same bed as her. 

He slid from the bed, pulled a shirt over his naked chest and walked out of the hut as quiet as he could. Outside, he began to run. Thomas had not run since he and Newt had run through the hallways of Wicked, which was when he thought about it, not that long ago. He did not want to think about Wicked, did not want to think about Newt, so he continued running. 

The cold air filled his lungs and left a burned feeling. The waves were crushing against the sand, spraying water on Thomas. The sand on his feet was wet but even and soft, which made it the perfect running spot. He ran around the island, trying to get Newt's face out of his mind. Thomas' whole body was wet from the waves and his sweat. He could feel the pain between his ribs. Was this how Newt had felt when Thomas pushed the knife through his skin? Thomas suddenly had the image of Newt in his head, Newt leaning against the wall of his home, but the image in his head was not exactly the same as the one he had seen just minutes ago. Or hours. He had lost track of time. 

He saw Newt shirtless and sleepy, smiling a soft smile at Thomas, walking towards his bed and cuddling into Thomas' blankets. He could feel his heartbeat increase even more at the thought of Newt cuddling up against him, like the many times in the scorch. Thomas knew he was in love with Teresa, but he missed his best friend dearly. And he would still have to come to terms with the thought that Teresa was, indirectly, responsible for Newt's death. Also, there was the problem that literally everyone hated Teresa. He would have to have a talk with Minho, too, but right now, the only thing important was to get Newt out of his head. At the thought of Newt, the cuddling came up in his head again, Thomas missed a breath and began coughing. His legs began to tremble and he tried to catch himself again, but fell down. Thomas' body rolled over the sand a few times, which meant that his face was full of sand, just like his mouth. 

He was breathing too fast, his legs and his chest were hurt and Thomas was about to vomit from the exhaustion, as: "You know, for a second I thought you had the chance to be a runner. Until you face planted"

Thomas' head shot up and he saw Newt sitting in front of him with the clothes he wore in the Maze, the last time he had said this to Thomas. 

"Newt", he breathed, but the boy in front of him was long gone. 

Thomas sat up, staring at the spot Newt had just sat on. He touched the sand, secretly hoping that it would be warm, which it was not. Obviously because Newt had not been there, because Newt was dead and because Thomas had killed him. The tears were rolling down Thomas' face and he felt more alone than ever. 

He picked himself up, ruffled his hair and began walking back to the camp.


	2. Apple Trees and Hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is just trying to live his life but it seems like nobody wants to leave him alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how often I'm going to upload it so I'm sure it will be irregularly and I'm sorry for it. It is possible that in the next chapter will be more Thomesa moments but I will give you the Newtmas fluff later I promise

"Where were you last night?", Teresa asked, rubbing his back. She sat down next to Thomas with a plate of food. They were eating outside on benches with the rest of the camp. Normally, Thomas would eat with Minho and then stay to wait for Teresa, because she was usually one of the last ones to eat, but today he just wanted to be alone. Even though he tried to convince himself that Teresa was good company. No, she was good company. Thomas put his head on her shoulder and took a deep breath, smelling Teresa's scent. He remembered her smelling really good, but since she had come back from Wicked, she always smelled a bit like sanitizers. Which was a weird smell.

"Bad dream", he muffled and pushed himself against Teresa's warm body. It was calming to be next to her, Thomas felt the tiredness coming over him.

"What are you wearing?", she asked, straightening up and pushing Thomas' head softly off her shoulder. Thomas sighted internally. He missed the affection. Teresa kissed him, yes, but never anywhere but on the mouth. He had never been kissed anywhere but on the mouth. Well, no, that was not entirely true. Newt had kissed his head sometimes to calm him down. But Teresa? She never held his hand or cuddled with him just for the use of cuddling. He missed the selfless things, the attention and the feeling of being loved and protected. Newt had given him that feeling because he had been a good friend and because Thomas had done the same for him.

Thomas looked down on himself, just realizing what he was wearing. It was the white Shirt he had seen Newt in last night and the pants he was wearing when Newt died. Around his neck was the necklace Newt gave him right before his death. Thomas never took it off. Teresa had tried to take it off once to look at it, which made Thomas go off at her and made them have one of the worst fights they ever had. The only person who knew that it was able to be opened, was Minho. Thomas had shown him the letter a few nights ago when he had a really bad day. Thomas had sat down at the campfire with Minho, had brought two bowls of Frypan's stew with him and given Minho the letter to read.

"Clothes", he answered, avoiding a real answer. Teresa just shrugged and got back to eating her potatoes. Thomas stared at the sea. He had not felt this tired in a long time. Even though Thomas did not want to talk about his choice of clothes, he was disappointed that Teresa did not at all care about it. But that was a problem he would not talk about because that was just what they did. Not talk about feelings and thoughts.

Thomas could nearly feel Minho's angry looks in his back. He could understand Minho, yes, Teresa had done many bad things to him, beginning with getting him caught by Wicked so that he could be tortured for months, which resulted in Newt's death. Thomas knew that the two of them had had a special friendship. Back in the Maze, they had been best friends for years. And when Thomas came up in the box, they accepted him and took him in. They had been a great team, all three of them. He sighed. This passive aggressive thing was worse than actual war.

"I have to go. Have a nice day, Teresa", he said.

"Wait!", she exclaimed, "didn't you forget something?" She tucked her hair behind her ears, smiling. Thomas smiled a forced smile, which she did not notice, of course, and leaned down to kiss her.

He did not really know where to go to, so he just walked around the camp for a few minutes. They had given everyone jobs, like back in the Glade. Thomas could not be a runner anymore, so he had decided to have a try at gardening. They usually started working in the morning and continued for a few hours. Afterwards, they exercised, learned how to shoot and fight, or did just anything, really. Work was more of a formality, though.

He did not notice where he was walking to, until he got to the apple trees. It was a hot morning, the sun was burning on Thomas' skin, so he decided to lay down in the shadow of one of the more beautiful trees. The grass was soft. Thomas used to hate the grass in the glade but this was nice.

Small spots of sunlight were shining through the leaves and occasionally, a white flower petal fell down. Thomas took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It smelled like summer and peace. He told himself that it kind of smelled like Teresa.

He felt someone take his hand and smiled. This was exactly what he needed, some private moment with his lovely girlfriend.  
"Hello, beautiful", he whispered and turned to his side. His eyes were still closed.

"Thanks, Tommy, you're, too, handsome"

Thomas' eyes shut open in horror and sat up. Newt looked peaceful. His blond hair suited the white trees and his eyes were soft and full of love. He smiled at Thomas, still holding his hand. He was wearing a white T-shirt and a necklace around his neck. But it was not the same as the one Thomas was wearing, not the one with the letter in it. On the necklace hung the cure.

This broke Thomas' heart. Why did his mind play him like that? It had been his plan to make another vial of the cure and give it to Newt so he would always be safe. It had been the plan. It could have saved Newt from the virus. _He_ could have saved Newt.

"Are you okay?", he asked in his soft voice. It sounded as if Newt was singing beautiful songs when he spoke. Thomas had missed this voice badly. He had missed the British accent, had missed the tone of Newt's voice. He missed it entirely. He was shaking his head, still looking at Newt.

"Tommy"

Everything Newt said sounded like poetry. Thomas could listen to him for eternity and not be bothered by being at a loss at word. But it was not real. This was not real. Newt was not real.

"You're not real", Thomas said. Newt was just looking at him, waiting for him to say another thing. Thomas knew he needed to tell Newt to go away but he just could not do it. He has missed Newt's presence so bad. He could have lived in this moment, just keep on replaying it again and again. If it had been real, Thomas might have just fallen into Newt's arms now and cried. He had done that too many times already. But that was not real.

He could not keep looking at Newt, not now, now like this. Thomas knew what he would have to do but he did not want to. He wanted Newt to stay. He wanted to have Newt back. But Newt was already gone and Thomas would have to be able to look at Teresa later. He closed his eyes, because otherwise he would not be able to let Newt go.

"Please", Thomas said, "Please go away". And with that, the feeling of Newt's hand on his vanished and Thomas was alone again.

But not for long.

"Hey dude", a girl's voice called, "what'ya doin? Lookin' at the stars?". Thomas could nearly taste the sarcasm in her voice.

"Leave me alone, Brenda", he said. His voice sounded hoarse, trying not to cry. Brenda sat down at the spot Newt's ghost had just been and boxed his shoulder softly. She must have noticed the change of tone in his voice. Thomas still had not opened his eyes because he was scared that if he did, Newt would still be here. Or that he would not. He was not really sure about it.

"Nah, not going", she said, "what's up? Trouble in paradise? Teresa betrayed you again?"

Thomas sat up immediately, looking ready to hit Brenda in the face. His mouth was open and he was about to say something but did not know what. This all was not about Teresa. Teresa was an angel sent from heaven who just made the wrong choices. Not even the wrong choices, rather her right choices. Or so Thomas told himself. It was not as if he was still angry at her. Hell, he could even understand why she did what she did. And in the end, all her choices leaded to them finally being able to be together.

Back when they worked for Wicked, they had just been too caught up in work to try and give their love a chance. Well, Thomas did not remember all that but he was sure it had been like that. And then, in the maze, there had been too many distractions. There had always been something between them, a love that was strong, but there had also always been something holding them back. But they were definitely meant to be together. Thomas knew that they were. Destiny wanted them to be.

"Brenda", Thomas said. His tone was cold and she knew from his voice that this was something not to joke about. But it was Brenda, right?

"What, Thomas?", she said, "This is the same girl who betrayed us, right? Isn't Wicked still out there? Isn't it possible for her to contact them at any moment? I don't hate her, you know, I don't know her and all that but I just don't trust her. She also took Newt away from me, you know? So, Thomas, do you, honestly, trust her?"

Thomas swallowed. He wanted to say yes, wanted to tell her that he trusted Teresa with his life. But he also did not want to lie to his best friend. There were times where he did trust Teresa but this time was gone and he was not sure it would ever come back. There were few people he still trusted and Brenda was one of them. He wanted to keep that trust.

He did not need to say all that out loud, Brenda knew that his answer would be a no. She could have said something about it, could have told him how pathetic his love for Teresa was, but she did not. And Thomas knew why. This was not her battle to fight. This love story was not hers to end.

She pushed herself up, dragging Thomas to his feet with her, and said: "You know, we should start working now. Fry's gonna be angry if he doesn't get his ingredients in time. He's been pissed all damn day. Minho and Gally sneaked into his kitchen last night and stole some bread and knocked over some spices and a pan. I was sure he'd kill them"  
Thomas laughed because that was the most in character thing Minho had done since Newt's death. And because talking to Brenda made him happy, it felt nice to do so. He threw a basket at her which she caught without problems and put it on the ground. For himself, he picked up a rake.

"So", he said, smiling, "You and Fry?" He had been thinking about it for some time and it really made sense, though he was not sure about it.

She shook her head but smiled, too. "It's not like that. We're just friends. Real good friends." She climbed up a tree and grabbed a few apples, letting them fall into the basket, still standing on the grass. She looked a bit like a cat, meandering trough the branches of the tree. Thomas picked at the ground with his rake.

"That's what they said about Teresa and me, too, you know", he said. She stuck her head out of the crown of the tree and threw an apple at him.

"Nobody", she said and jumped out of the tree, "Nobody said that about you and Teresa. They said things like that about you and Newt"


	3. Beachwalks and Dishonest Smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas tries to be a good boyfriend and a good friend at the same time what is hard when your girlfriend and your friends hate each other.

Thomas' attempt to avoid Teresa failed just after him working with Brenda. It was as if his girlfriend was following him. He did not actually think that, no, he knew hardly anyone liked Teresa and of Thomas' friends no one did. She had began to get along with some of the girls, though. She was talking a lot to a girl named Liv and Sonya and her seemed to become friends, too, much to Harriet's disgust.

"Hey!", she called over to him and Brenda, who immediately left his side. This was no conversation she wanted to be part of and also, she just simply did not want to talk to Teresa. Thomas knew that. He knew that none of his friends understood why he fell for Teresa, hell, he himself did not understand it. He just knew they were destined to be.

"Have fun snugging the enemy", Brenda said with a bitter smile while walking away. Thomas almost did not notice that she was walking to Frypan's hut. Almost.

"Hey, honey", Thomas said and took Teresa's hand. This was his chance to get some privacy and maybe talk a bit. "Do you want to take a walk?" Teresa smiled but Thomas thought that, for a second, there was some sadness in her smile. She squeezed his hand for the brief of a moment and pulled him aside.

"I thought we could maybe, you know", she whispered, clearly uncomfortable in her own skin. Thomas looked confused. He had no idea what she was trying to tell him

"What?"

"Sex, Tom", she said, looking at the ground. Teresa shifted around, waiting for an answer but Thomas just stood there perplexed, mouth wide open. Her eyes met his and she looked extremely disappointed.

"Well, okay", she said, letting go of Thomas' hand. Teresa began walking away but Thomas laid a hand on her shoulder to hold her back. He turned her around and hugged her, pulling her close. Their foreheads were touching and she seemed to relax a bit under his touch.

"It's not that I don't want that", Thomas began, "You just overrun me with your question. But to answer it, yes, I do want to do that. But do you really want it now? I mean, it's my first time, you know? I want it to be special and I want to be special for you. So, how about we do it, lets say, the day after tomorrow? And now we just have some sweet lovely couple time?"

He was a bit scared to hear her answer. What if she did not like his idea of making it special? What if she was still disappointed? But when Teresa looked up at him, Thomas found her beaming at him. Her smile was bigger than ever and she pressed a firm kiss on his lips.

"Yes, Tom, yes!"

He could not resist a wide smile as his girlfriend dragged him to the beach, still holding his hand. This was probably the longest time they had ever touched in a non-sexual way and Thomas was not sure of it being non-sexual.

"What's the first thing you remember? Like, really remember?", Teresa asked, chewing on an apple they picked.

Thomas threw another apple at her which she flicked away annoyed. Newt would have laughed. Why was he thinking about Newt now? In time with his first thought, the blonde appeared a few steps away, sitting at the beach he and Teresa were laying on. Thomas decided to ignore the ghost this time. He was annoyed and he was with Teresa right now.

"What do you mean?", he asked looking at her face. She was ridiculously beautiful. Her dark her was straightened and framed her face, giving a nice contrast to her bright eyes. This was right, she was pretty and he loved looking at her. Still, he could not quite keep his eyes off Newt, who was dressed in white again, making him look like an angel. His stupid perfect hair did _not_ help.

Teresa rolled her eyes and said: "Your first memory, silly. Not one of those visions Wicked put in you. Your first real memory"

 _Newt_.

"Dunno", he dodged the question, "I guess the boys in the glade standing all around me looking at me like I am an animal in the zoo"

That was a lie but not completely. His first real memory was Newt looking at him like that, when he first saw him in the glade. Newt was the one attracting Thomas' attention within the first second. He had that thing that made Thomas look at him and keep looking because he wanted to figure out what it was. He remembered that funny smile when Newt saw him.

But when he thought about it, that was not really his first memory. It was him pressing Newt's body against his, hiding in one of the dark corridors. Newt looked young, maybe about thirteen or something. His hair was longer than ever, nearly down to his chin. His face was highlighted by red and blue lights and he looked scared, too scared. He remembered hugging Newt, trying not to let go of him. He remembered voices, calling their names and him promising Newt to not leave him. He remembered Newt getting pulled away.

Thomas shook himself free of those thoughts, or memories, and looked at Teresa again.

"What about yours?", he asked.

The girl looked at him and Thomas was not quite sure what was going on in her mind. "I'm not sure. I may remember some things about the time at Wicked but that could be just, you know, lies", she said. This answered one of the questions Thomas had always wanted to ask. Wicked did not give her her memories back.

He nodded and let his gaze wander to the ocean. While Teresa had talked, Newt had vanished again with a slight wink that Thomas could have easily imagined. Or, well, he definitely imagined it.

"Hey, Tom?", she asked. When Thomas turned to her, he, again, had the feeling that there was something laying in her gaze.

"Yeah?"

She swallowed, clearly uncomfortable. "Were you and Brenda, you know?", she asked as if she did not actually want to hear the answer.

Thomas laughed. For a few seconds. When he looked back at Teresa, he saw the seriousness in her eyes. He tried to make himself calm down and when he could breath again he put a short kiss on Teresa's lips.

"No!", he said and laughed some more, "No Teresa, no! Why would you think that? I have better chemistry with the car, Bertha"

Teresa looked confused at the mention of the car. Thomas reminded himself that she had never seen or even heard of it until now. He nodded slightly.

"Bren is just my best friend, I promise", he said, dead serious. Teresa looked at the sand and fiddled with her shirt.

"It's just", she said and sighed, then looked at Thomas and touched his hand for a brief second, "It seems like all of your _best_ friends hate me, you know?"

"That's not true", Thomas said. But it was and Thomas knew it was. He felt sorry for her, really, but he also felt sorry for his friends. But this was Teresa so he had to make it work. It was Newt over everything. Teresa. It was Teresa over everything. He put the thoughts about Newt away and took Teresa's hand.

"It is. Minho hasn't talked to me since we arrived. Literally no word. I think he has never been closer to me than ten feet. And Brenda? She's always so mean. I don't understand why. I haven't tortured Minho, I have apologized about a hundred times and still he hates me", Teresa said, her voice trembling.

"Yeah because you bloody _killed_ me, bitch", Newt shouted over the beach.

Thomas winced and looked at Newt, unable to say something. This would have to stop, he would _never_ get used to it and his heart would never stop bursting when seeing Newt. The feeling this boy made him feel was unbearable.

" _Sorry_ to interrupt you", Newt said bitterly and vanished again, rolling his eyes. Well, Thomas guessed that he was, it sounded like it.

Thomas leaned forward to push the hair out of Teresa's eyes and cupped her cheeks softly. He kissed her forehead and then pulled her into a hug, not letting go.

"I love you, Teresa. I will talk to Minho, I promise", he said.

"Thank you", she answered, "Love you, too" But why did those words not make Thomas feel what Newt's bare presence made him feel.

Teresa shifted her position so that she was now resting on Thomas' body, their fingers intervened, her head resting on his chest. Thomas' arm was pulled around her waist, holding her close. He softly kissed her hair, trying to comfort her. Thomas would have loved the moment, the intimacy, the _love_ if it were not for the position to be unbelievably uncomfortable. Teresa's shoulders were sharp and stabbing his chest and she was laying in a way that made it hard to breathe. But Teresa seemed to like it just fine. Thomas tried to tell himself that this was great and all he wanted but thinking back at the times when he was trying to comfort Newt he had not worried about stuff like this at all.

Newt was thin but muscular, his head had always fit perfectly on Thomas' body and when they had held hands, it was as if they were made to hold each other.

Perhaps he and Teresa would just have to learn this, because, how did the universe not grant Thomas and his soulmate the possibility to cuddle and hold each other?

"This is nice", she whispered,cuddling deeper into Thomas' body. He repressed a hurt sound and just nodded, smiling. Just as Thomas was getting so uncomfortable he was sure he had to say something, two girls walked along the beach.

"Hey, T!", one of them shouted. Thomas knew the voice as Sonya's. He cringed at the nickname she just gave his girlfriend, but Teresa got up fast, much to his relief. He let out a breath he had been holding.

Teresa was now looking at the two girls. The other one was Liv, a brown haired, short girl with the most annoying voice Thomas had ever heard. But at least she liked Teresa. "Hey Sonny!", she called back, "Liv!"

"You wanna join us?", Liv asked. Her voice was so high Thomas thought only dogs should be able to hear her. She might have been a nice person over all but Thomas just thought she was annoying. Newt would have said something about her way too big nose, too.

"Yes!", Teresa shouted back, enthusiastically. She looked at Thomas apologetically but he was actually glad to be alone again. This date did not went as expected. He smiled back to reassure her and kissed her softly.

"You go have fun"

Teresa beamed at him and looked as if she could jump high in the air now. "You go talk to Minho and Brenda, right?", she said and not waiting for his answer, ran away to the other girls.

Right. Talk to his best friends about his girlfriend. Who hate each other. While she is out with her new friends. This would be great fun.

Thomas found Minho quickly. His friend was sitting around the not lit yet campfire with Gally, Fry and Brenda. Thomas jogged to them and put an arm around Minho's shoulder.

"Hey, man!" ,Minho said and smiled up at Thomas, actually looking happy. Thomas smiled back and it was as if this was his first not even partly faked smile today.

"Hey!", Thomas said, "being in paradise doesn't suit you well. You've gained weight"

"At least not a fifty pound, betraying girlfriend", Minho deadpanned. Thomas could not resist a smile even if Minho's comment was meant to be hurtful.

"Let's go for a run. You'll _never_ beat me!", he answered and jumped up. Minho followed him with a sigh and the two began to jog next to each other. After a few minutes in silence, Minho stopped suddenly and looked at Thomas.

"What?", he said, breathing heavily, "Already tired?"

Minho shook his head and moved on, increasing his tempo so Thomas had difficulties keeping up with him. Even though he had ran for hours the last night, he got tired easily now which might have relied on the missing sleep or all the worries.

They ran along the beach, passing some kids who were working or swimming. Thomas' lung hurt after some time and the cold air did not help but Minho did not make any signs that he was getting tired. Even though Thomas only wanted to get Minho away from the others, he also wanted to win his little race. He tried to run faster and bypass Minho but took a breath too fast. Thomas slowed down and coughed, which made Minho slow down, too, until both of them stopped.

"Will you tell me now what you really want?", Minho said. Thomas could not make out any problems to breath in the other's sentence which made him kind of jealous. Maybe he was not as fast anymore as he was weeks ago in the last city. He laid down on the sand. This was something he had done so often in the last day that there was literally no place on his body left for the sand to go. Minho, however, complained about it with a _very_ dramatic sigh. This moment made Thomas' body warm up with all his love for his best friend. Minho was a gift.

"Oh, shut up", Thomas said and threw some sand at Minho who avenged himself by pushing Thomas' face in the sand which made them both laugh.

They were silent for a bit just looking at the sea and enjoying each other's presence.

"Okay so, why do you hate Teresa?", Thomas asked, looking down. He could not stand Minho's shocked look. When he looked up again, a third person was sitting with them. Newt. The boy smiled widely at Thomas whose heart skipped a beat. He decided to ignore that. And Newt.

Minho was still trying to find words. "I thought we don't talk about her", he muttered under his breath. Thomas nodded. He wanted them to not talk about her.

"You don't talk about her because you know that you will fight and you know that Min will win because you, too, hate her for being responsible for my death", Newt said, looking at the sea. Thomas wanted to tell him to shut up but he also did not want Minho to think that he was getting insane. Also Newt was kind of right.

"I know", Thomas said and sighed, "but she feels really bad, you know? I mean it's Teresa she-"

"I felt 'really bad' for six shucking months!", Minho said formed fists with his hands, "Thomas man! You know what she did!" He pointed at Thomas' necklace. Thomas could feel the static in the air. Minho and him had never fought.

"I know, okay", he said, defeated. "But I love her. I really do. And I can forgive her so why can't you?" He had not meant for the question to sound that accusing, but it did and Thomas was getting angry now. He was angry at himself for doing this, angry at Teresa for making him do it, angry at Minho for making it this hard and angry at Newt for being dead.

"Because she kidnapped me you shank!", Minho shouted at him and immediately regretted it. Minho had never shouted at him. This was exactly like when Newt had shouted at him. The memory was more painful than Minho's actual shouting. "I'm sorry, but, she kidnapped me and she is responsible for Newt's death. I have never missed someone as much as I miss Newt. You can forgive her? Good for you! But honestly, Thomas, if you don't even acknowledge what she did then you should think about it again because me and Newt? We were your best friends and one of us is dead and the other one can't fucking sleep because of her. She betrayed all of us and _you_ "

"That was months ago"

Minho looked at him, barely grasping what Thomas had just said. "So what? You really want a girlfriend who you don't trust?"

Thomas swallowed. Minho knew him too well. "She's my soulmate. We are destined to be together", he said.

"You always say that but I've never seen you look at her like you believe it. You don't even say it convincingly. Why would you two be fucking soulmates?", Minho asked offensive, to which Thomas shook his head and felt a heavy sadness coming over him.

"We've always been together. Even at the beginning. I sometimes wish it wasn't like that but, Teresa? She's what the world wants me to be with."

Minho laughed coldly. "Soulmates are not something that's just said by the universe, man. You don't just meet someone and they're instantly your fucking soulmate. Soulmates are forged by shared experiences. That girl? She's not your soulmate. She can fuck off"

Thomas swallowed. "I love her. Someone has to"

Minho shook his head. "If this was anyone but you, you know, I would tell them to fuck off, too. But I love you, man. I don't wanna be friends with Teresa and I can't forgive her. Never will. But you mean a lot to me. I'll not loose you because of this stupid girl, Thomas."

"Wow", Thomas said. "That was so sweet of you but I'm in a relationship. And you're not my type, pal. But you're a really great friend!"

Minho punched his shoulder hard. "I'm everyone's type you shank"

Thomas smiled. "I love you, too, Min", he said. Newt smiled at him from the side but Minho just sighed and looked at the stars.

"I know", he said in despair. "Everyone does. It's hard being so beautiful" He wiped the hair off his forehead and pretended to shed a tear. Thomas threw sand at him and Newt laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this. I know it's a bit of Thomesa but this is about the last part that they interact as a even partly functioning couple, I promise.


	4. Gally and Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is just a bit of an oblivious idiot and may get smarter due to other people being smart.

After a small sand fight with Minho they decided to walk back. Thomas knew he had not helped his girlfriend in any way and he really tried to feel bad about it but spending time with Minho at the beach was the romantic time he had wished for himself and Teresa. And it was her who did not want them to get it.

Thomas only now realized how far they had run before. They were slowly walking in silence and the bright moonlight lulled them into a beautiful blue light which framed Minho's face and made him look extremely mature. Thomas thought about looking at Teresa in this light. She would have looked unbelievably beautiful but nothing compared to the person who now took Thomas' hand.

Newt was walking next to him. His eyes looked darker than ever and his hair had a slight silver touch. The moonlight made his skin look pale but in a kind of posh way. It highlighted Newt's cheekbones and defined his mouth as he looked up to Thomas. He licked over his lips and left them slightly open which made Thomas' heart skip a beat. Newt blinked seductively. Thomas swallowed hard and closed his eyes.

 _Seductively?_ What the fuck?

Thomas tried to get the thought out of his head by looking at Minho but Newt's hand in his did not make it easy for him to get Newt out of his head. He hated how perfect their hands fit in each other's. And he hated how perfect they would have looked together if they would have actually been there, together. How did Newt's hand in his feel so unbelievably real, so close to what Thomas remembered if Newt was just a ghost?

He could not stand looking away any more and turned his head to look at Newt when it hit him again just how perfect that boy was. Why did death take him away from Thomas? This was his best friend. He was more to Thomas than Minho and Brenda, even if he loved them with his whole heart. Teresa may be his soulmate but Newt was his other half. They just understood each other without words and in desperate moments Thomas found himself always thinking of Newt, what would Newt do, what would Newt say to help him.

Life would be easier if Newt were still with him. He would tell him what to do about Teresa. He would actually be here, climbing up apple trees with Brenda, swimming with Minho and breaking into the kitchen with Thomas and Gally. He would be there and Thomas would not be alone.

Thomas kept looking at Newt while walking. He was not sure about what Minho thought right now but he did not care. Nobody had had the right to take Newt away from him and it was not fair that the world had done it. He wanted to shout, wanted to punch the world for doing so. Why did everyone think it was okay to hurt Thomas?

He wanted to laugh at how they would look like if Newt were real. Tree boys walking along the beach in the moonlight. Two of them holding hands and the third one next to them, none of them talking. It was surreal.

Thomas was so caught up in his own thoughts that he did not notice Minho looking at him and then looking away again and again. When he did notice, he frowned at his friend and nodded, inviting him to talk.

Minho nervously licked his lips and bounced on his feet while walking. "Do you", he began but cut off. Thomas was concerned. Minho not finding his words was unusual and made him feel uneasy. "I mean", Minho said and then shook his head fast.

"Thomas have you ever, you know, dreamed about Newt", he finally asked. Minho looked very uncomfortable about this question. He did not dare to look Thomas in the eye so he just looked at the ground. Thomas knew how he felt. Minho made himself responsible about Newt's death. He, too, probably woke up screaming Newt's name, seeing vivid images of his corpse, hearing him scream that it was Minho's fault. Thomas could understand him.

"Every single night", he said and patted Minho's back softly. "Don't even begin thinking about this, Min. It's not your fault" He had meant that reassuring, wanted Minho to feel better but he just felt him breaking down under Thomas' touch.

"I can't", he whispered. Minho's voice broke and it sounded as if he was about to cry. Thomas turned to him and took both his shoulders while Newt just stood next to him, looking sad.

"It's not his fault", he whispered in Thomas' ear. He looked so sorry for Minho, as if all he wanted was to pull him into a big hug but he could not because he was not here. Minho could not even see him.

"Min", Thomas said. "It's not your fault." He noticed that he had just repeated Newt's words. "What could you have done?"

"I should have ran faster!", Minho said, nearly shouting. "It was literally my job. I ran all those years through the maze and it did not make any difference. The one time where my running could have actually have an impact I failed and let my best friend die" Thomas had no idea what to say so he just took Minho and hugged him. He pressed their bodies together and did not let go of Minho. "I failed him, Thomas", he whispered.

This was Thomas call to say something. "You did not fail Newt! You had been tortured for six months, Minho. You had been drained, punished and nearly killed. Newt made a choice to go on that mission. He knew how the flare worked. This is not your fault. You couldn't have changed a thing." And he really tried to believe that. Minho went silent but stayed in the hug for a few more seconds. He then pulled away and looked at Thomas seriously.

"Thank you, man", he said. "That meant a lot to me" Thomas patted his shoulder once and nodded.

"All right. Let's get home. I'm tired", he said. For a rough second it looked as if Newt patted Minho's shoulder too, to which his friend responded with a smile until Thomas got that it was just Minho smiling at him. But ghost Newt definitely did try to comfort Minho and that knowledge just made Thomas' heart ache even more. How was Newt so sweet even in death?

He swallowed. "Let's go home." But maybe home was not the Safe Haven, maybe home were those moments with Minho and Newt, with Gally, Fry and Brenda.

Only then did he notice how near they were to the home beach. Minho excused himself, muttering something about taking a shower and left Thomas standing with Newt.

"So Tommy", Newt said, "What are we gonna do now?" He smiled at him. Thomas could have sworn Newt had been taller but now he was just barely an inch taller than Thomas. He had the desperate urge to reach up and fix Newt's hair but he was scared that Newt would just vanish if he did.

"What are you doing here?", Thomas asked. "I mean, _how_ are you here? Why now? It's been weeks since you died and now here you are?" He sat down at one of the logs he had helped Aris to lay out around the fire and licked his lips nervously. Newt sat down besides him and frowned. How was frowning so hot?

"I don't know", he admitted. "But I think it's because of you. I think you just missed me so much you couldn't live without me anymore so you decided to make me live again, you know?" Thomas bit his lip hard. Of course did Newt know how much he missed him. This Newt was just his imagination. He was part of Thomas so he knew everything Thomas thought.

They sat in silence for a minute until Newt cleared his throat. "Why did you bring me back?", he asked. "I seem to annoy you with my bare presence every time I appear." That was not exactly true. Thomas just seemed to miss Newt even more when he was there than when he was not. And Newt should not be there.

"Maybe,", Thomas said and raised his voice a bit, "Because you are just there in moments you shouldn't be. And you're dead, Newt!" Thomas was not sure why he was being angry, he just was. All that had happened in the past forty-eight hours had just been too much. Teresa, Brenda and Minho had been too much. He could not deal with Newt now, not see him. It hurt too much to see him.

He looked shocked and angry. "Well", Newt said dryly, "I'm not the one who imagines my ghost when he's in bed with his _girlfriend_ " He spat the last word out with so much hate.

"You have no right to have an opinion on my relationship with Teresa!" Thomas did not want to hear that, not again and definitely not from Newt.

"I'm your bloody best friend!" Newt's voice broke. "I am supposed to tell you what I think. Also, it's not what I think. You're imagining me. You know that, right?" He sounded defeated, just like Thomas felt. Somewhere in his mind he knew that if Newt were actually there, they would not have that discussion. Something told him that if they sat there with Newt alive? There would be no reason to discuss about Teresa.

"Newt, I-", he began apologizing but was cut off by Gally walking towards him. He sat down opposite Thomas and smiled widely.

"What's up Thomas?", he asked and let his smile grow wider. This was the worst possible moment for Gally to show up. And it was weird for _Gally_ to show up. Thomas was still unsure about their friendship even if Gally was the only reason he even got there in the first place. He would still rather sit here alone. Or with Newt.

"Not much", he mumbled back. Gally eyed him closely and leaned forward. He frowned which made Thomas want to hit him in his face. Just because.

"You don't look good. Tired? Of Teresa?" Thomas took a deep breath. Why did everyone want to talk about Teresa on the same fucking day? In those four weeks, everyone kept quiet except for some side comments or stupid looks and now, today, everyone suddenly wanted to talk about her?

As if he had read Thomas' mind, Gally added "I saw you this morning when you came back from your run. You looked sad and tired. I wanted to talk to you but you seemed like you wanted to be alone. And I saw you talk to Teresa today. I don't know what she said but your happiness looked kind of out of place so I just left you alone. But being alone isn't always helpful."

This was unexpected. He remembered Gally as the rude dude who hated Thomas just because he was slightly annoying and even wanted to kill him in the end. Well, with the help of some Grievers and Wicked. But he also killed Chuck. Thomas made the decision to trust Gally once, because Newt had asked him to, but Newt was gone and he was not sure what to think of Gally now. It seemed like everyone liked him just fine and forgave him for killing Chuck just because. Maybe Thomas should forgive him. Gally was not himself. But when he looked at Gally, there was always that mental image of the boy who pushed him to the ground and hit him just for asking questions, who banished him and Teresa.

This Gally was different.

Thomas sighed. "I don't know where my relationship with Teresa is going", he admitted, more to himself than to Gally. "I'm having nightmares"

"About Newt?", Gally asked. He legitimately seemed concerned about Thomas. Thomas nodded as an answer and bit his lip. "Don't we all have nightmares?", Gally murmured and scratched the back of his head.

"What are your nightmares?", Thomas asked even though he thought he already knew the answer. Minho throwing a spear at Gally. Gally killing Chuck. All that happened after. He did not expect the answer he received.

"Love and loss, Thomas", Gally said. "Just like you." He did not know what to answer to that so Thomas just stayed silent and looked at the fire in front of him. He had no idea what to make of this conversation.

"You should worry less about Teresa", he said after some time. Thomas head shot up. He had expected everything but that. "I mean, if this is true love, which it isn't, everything will work out. But you know you'll break up eventually. It's just a matter of time." Thomas wanted to say something against that but he let it be. He was tired of defending their relationship. He was tired of everyone telling him what he already knew. He was just so tired.

"Gally", he said, giving his best to make his voice tell him that he just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts about Teresa.

"Thomas", Gally replied, clearly taking the hint and just straight out throwing it in the fire. "I know what it feels like to be in love." Thomas raised his eyebrows. "And so do you. But Teresa? That's not it. And deep down you know yourself that your heart belongs to someone else."

"What do you mean?", he asked, not knowing to what part of Gally's talk he was referring to. There was too much he wanted to ask and the most important thing was _who the hell_ was Gally in love with?

"Newt", Gally said, plain faced. For a second he felt his heard stop. Jealousy dwell upon him and he swallowed. Then he thought that maybe Gally was not in love with Newt but wanted to tell him that he, Thomas, was in love with Newt.

"Gally", he said, his chest still tightened. "Newt and I, we were not that. I love Newt. Loved. But not, you know, like this."

Gally laughed once and it was a dry and ugly laugh. "Yeah", he said sarcastically. "Thomas, _you_ know that's not true and so do I. I knew you two. I've seen you. Back in the Maze and in the Last City. The way you looked at each other. I know that feeling." Thomas felt goosebumps creeping up his back. "And I've seen you after Newt's death. I know how it is like, how it looks like, to kill the love of your life. I know how it feels like."

Thomas was unable to say something. There were memories of Newt's death, at the back of his head, that were crawling out of the deep abyss Thomas had put them and all his feelings into, that he did not want to see. And there was the question in his head of _who_ Gally was in love with and had killed. When he finally looked up to ask, Newt stood behind Gally. There was a knife in his Chest and blood dwelling out of the wound. His eyes were looking a bit like glass and there was black blood dropping out of Newt's mouth. Thomas' heart was racing and he felt like vomiting. He wanted to jump up and catch Newt in his arms, hold him and stay with him until the end.

He was fetched out of his vision when he felt Gally reach for his arm and say his name. Gally looked concerned. Thomas shook his head fast and squint his eyes. "Sorry", he said. "I was sure I saw something"

"Are you okay?", he asked. Thomas nodded in return and leaned back a bit. His heart was still racing.

"Who?", he asked Gally who looked confused for a second until he understood Thomas' question. He then smiled. It was a sad smile but still so full of happiness, Thomas was not sure what was going on in Gally's mind.

"Ben", Gally said and his face lit up as he said that name. Thomas asked himself if he looked like that saying Teresa's name. "Of course Ben. How couldn't it be?" He was more talking to himself now, ignoring Thomas' presence partly. Then it was as if a cloud rolled over Gally's face. "I killed him, remember? We banished him after he was stung. I remember how it felt. And I saw you after you killed Newt. You were ready to kill everyone and everything because nothing mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered is now dead. I remember that I felt like that and Ben attacked you so I focused my anger on you. You're focusing all the love you gave Newt on Teresa.

All of that made sense. Gally's hatred to Thomas made sense. He had never gotten to know Ben, but he knew that he had been a runner and a good friend of Minho. Minho had never talked about him, though. Thomas had always felt kind of responsible for Ben's death but he had never considered that the boy had meant that much to someone. How come no one had ever talked about Gally and Ben?

Gally could maybe understand his problems about Newt's death. Newt had meant a lot to him, more than any one ever. More than Teresa ever could. It was _Newt_. But he was not _in love_ with Newt.

He took a deep breath and wiped the hair out of his eyes. His hair was way too long. He needed a haircut and he needed to his Minho for always having perfect hair. And he needed everyone to know that he was _Not_ In Love With Newt.

"'Not In Love With Newt' sounds like your first song, Tommy", Newt deadpanned. Thomas turned his head and gave him a look while Newt sat on the ground and laughed loudly. He gave his best not to smile at him just because it was Newt and because Newt was perfect.

"It's not like that, Gally", Thomas said, still looking at Newt. Maybe _now_ his face looked like Gally's when talking about Ben. "Really"

Gally smiled. "Yes it is. No, Thomas, it is. But that doesn't matter. Because Newt's dead and you're still blaming yourself. You need to stop that. Not move on. I don't think you will. I never did. But I want to give something to you now." Gally took Thomas' shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. Thomas tried his best to focus on Gally. "You did nothing wrong. Newt wanted to die and you helped him, because you love him and he's the most important thing to you. Newt loved you, too. I promise you that. And if he could talk to you right now, he would say thank you." Then, Gally turned around and went in to the Haven.

Thomas just sat there and waited for something to happen. Newt was sitting next to him in the sand. "I guess I would", he mumbled. They continued to sit in silence until Thomas turned to look at him.

"Excuse me?", Thomas said, shaking his head, wanting Newt to repeat what he had just said. He did not know why his image of Newt changed so rapidly. The Newt sitting next to him now was wearing the clothes he had worn back in the Scorch. He had the scarf tied messily around his neck and he was wearing the jacket Thomas had found himself being tucked in the first night he had slept in the Scorch. He had fallen asleep while on watch with Newt and Newt had put his jacket on Thomas' sleeping body and let him sleep the whole night. And he had told no one.

The scenery reminded Thomas of their talk at the campfire. The first time Newt used the words 'I would follow you anywhere'. The moment Thomas noticed that he only wanted Newt to follow him. The Newt sitting next to him was the Newt from the Scorch, precisely, he was the Newt from that night.

"I guess I would thank you. But I don't think that that would make a difference, would it, Tommy?" Newt looked up at him and it was his first chance to actually look at Newt. He even had the same wound on his left cheek. The bad thing was that the cut only highlighted his cheekbones even more and made Newt look honestly great. How was is possible to be beautiful while being hurt?

Newt licked his lips and raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. This was a game they were playing. This was not the Newt Thomas had fought with before. "What do you think, Newt?", Thomas asked and leaned forward. He could see how tense Newt's shoulders were, so he reached out to lay a hand on one.

It was as if Newt felt unsure whether to relax under his touch or get more tense. One thing Thomas knew for sure is that Newt must have felt exactly how Thomas felt when they had touched. Thomas pulled his hand back, startled by what the touch had made him feel like. Newt's mouth was slightly open and Thomas guessed his was, too. He had no control over his body in this moment. He could still feel tingles in the tip of his fingers. To snap both of them out of their trance, Thomas slid down the log and sat down next to Newt.

"I think", Newt said. "I think you hate yourself for killing me even though you know you shouldn't. And I think you kind of hate me for letting you kill me. I think you hate me for giving up and leaving you alone."

Now that Thomas heard all this out lout, said by Newt, he saw how ridiculous this was. Of course Thomas had already thought this through. He had tried everything to make himself feel better. He knew Newt had wanted to die. But there had been the possibility of saving him. And Newt had known that. If Minho and Brenda had arrived a minute earlier, they would have given Newt the cure, they would have reacted to Teresa's speech and they would have been able to save Newt. He had not been too far past the Gone. Thomas was so sure.

Newt had given up. He had been done and wanted all of this to end. But still, he left Thomas. And he left Thomas with the ever lasting memory of _killing_ Newt. Thomas wanted to be angry at him. He wanted to hate Newt for it but in reality, he thought he would have done exactly the same thing. He would have wanted Newt to kill him. And he would have made Newt kill him. Thomas could not blame Newt because he had wanted to die so badly. He could only blame himself for not saving Newt. And he did.

Thomas turned his whole body around so he was facing Newt now. It took all his bravery to touch Newt again, because every touch made him miss Newt even more and it was slowly destroying him.

"Newt", Thomas said, remaining eye contact. "I could never hate you."

Newt reached forward and took Thomas other hand, smiling lovingly at him. And then vanished. Thomas had never, in his life, felt that lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but I just LOVE Benally, okay? I think it fixes some plotholes and makes Gally's character deeper and more understandable. I would have loved to save Ben, really, but I have no idea how I should. I may find a way if you want me to but I'm fine with Gally being sad in this fic. He has learned to live with his loss.
> 
> So Thomas and Newt are definitely falling more and more in love even if Newt is dead. Or Thomas is falling more and more. But he will find that out soon.


	5. Visions and Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas' visions get more vicious, Minho has some plans for this evening's party that may involve kissing a girl.

That night, Thomas slept. Without nightmares or any dreams at all. He had went to bed when Teresa was already asleep and in the morning, when she went outside, he had pretended to still be asleep and fallen asleep shortly after she left. He had slept for another few hours and when he woke up, he felt unnaturally rested. Thomas sat up and stretched his arms and back like a cat.

He looked through the room, nearly expecting Newt to be standing somewhere, greeting him, but the ghost had decided to let Thomas wake up before he interrupted his daily life and made him question everything he had ever thought he knew about his feelings.

Thomas had not had time yet to think about Gally's words and he was kind of grateful for that. The problem was that now, Thomas had no reason not to think about it. He shook his head in an attempt to make his mind clear and then stood up. Thomas put on a thin shirt and a pair of jeans. His neck hurt from the day before, from the running, the loss of sleep and the time Minho pushed his neck in the sand.

He looked at his own reflection in the mirror. He did not even know why they _had_ a mirror. Or where they had gotten it from. He looked slightly out of place. Their shag was neat and furnished in a minimalist style, just like Thomas' clothes. White, gray and perfectly clean. Thomas did not fit in the picture that was shown him. His hair was too long. Way too long. He was sick of it's sight.

He turned around and walked to the bed, fell on his knees and took one of the wood planks off the ground. Stored beneath it was a knife. It was long and silver, sharp. On it's handle stood in white letters 'W.C.K.D.'. Thomas swallowed at the sight of that knife. It was clean of the blood that had one been on it. He was staring at the knife, seeing it stuck in Newt's chest, seeing it carve the live out of Newt. He tightened his grip on the knife and stood up again, walking to the mirror as if he was in trance.

He took a strand of his hair and cut it off, proceeding to do that with the rest of the hair on his head. He wanted to make it the length he had had in the Scorch. And somehow it actually worked out. His hair was a bit messier than before but at least it was shorter and Thomas liked it. It was decent.

He stood in front of the mirror for another few minutes, looking at the knife. Minho had given it to him when he had woken up. Thomas had no idea how Minho had gotten it but he was glad that he had it. It was a memory of Newt. He felt able to control that memory. When the knife was locked away, Thomas' memories were, too.

Thomas reached up to touch his necklace. It was only a slight touch but when he looked at his own face again, he saw Newt standing behind him.

"I like the hairstyle", Newt said. He stood so close that Thomas should have been able to feel his breath on his neck. Thomas did not dare to turn around. He knew Newt was not beside him. Still, he felt Newt's hands in his hair as he ruffled through it one time.

"Thanks", Thomas whispered, smiling at Newt in the mirror. They matched. Newt, too, had the hairstyle he had had in the scorch. Thomas reached over his shoulder to touch Newt's hair. It was soft. Newt took a step further to Thomas and leaned forward.

"Did you just smell me?", he asked Newt, looking confused. Newt smiled slightly and touched Thomas' waist. The part he had touched was sent a shock of warmth through Thomas' body which made his heart beat faster. Thomas turned around to look at Newt directly. He was surprised by how close he really was.

Newt slowly raised his hand and touched Thomas' chest. He should be able to feel Thomas' heartbeat, which was only increasing by the touch of him. "You smell different", Newt said. "You use different soap."

It was not really a question, more a statement. Which was true. Thomas was still staring at Newt's hand on his chest. "You know how I smell like?", he asked, slowly looking up to Newt. Thomas bit his lower lip shyly.

Newt nodded in response. He took another step, closing the distance between them further. Newt cupped Thomas' cheek with his other hand. He felt paralyzed. Thomas could not move. Newt's touch was breathtaking, controlling. He did not know what Newt was doing. Or he did, he just did not want to know. Newt licked his lips, tightening his grip on Thomas' face. He slowly caressed Thomas' cheek and it felt as if his heart was bursting in flames. Newt let his hand wander into Thomas' neck, softly crawling in his hair.

Thomas could not hold it back any more. This was _Newt_. He could see every small thing on Newt's face, could see the slight pitch of green in his otherwise so perfectly brown eyes. Newt's lips were bright pink and he could see him bite them. Thomas' heart was short before bursting but still he felt calm. They were breathing in simultaneously. Thomas could not look away from Newt's eyes, it felt as if he would be breaking a sacred bound. They were in perfect harmony, bodies responding to the other's touch. Thomas wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss _Newt_. He was not sure why now but he knew that tension was too strong and he could not resist his urge to lean forward any longer because if he did, he would never do it.

And then Newt did.

He went forward fast, grabbing Thomas' hand, pulling it up, between their bodies and pulling him into a hug. It took him a moment to understand that he was still holding the knife in his hand, in the hand Newt was holding between them. He knew that feeling.

Newt coughed.

Thomas could feel Newt's body shivering while he was pressing them against each other. He took a step back, eyes wide open. Thomas was breathing fast, irregular. His whole body was trembling. The knife fell out of his hand on the ground, spilling blood on the wood. There was blood in Newt's mouth, dripping out of it. Newt was bleeding way too much. The blood was supposed to stay _inside_ Newt. Newt's lips were trembling as if he wanted to say something. And then he fell.

He fell down, away from Thomas who shortly after followed. He fell down on his knees in front of Newt, _Newt_ , pressing his hands on Newt's chest, trying to keep the blood from running but Newt did not breathe any more. Thomas was desperately looking for his heartbeat but he did not find one because Thomas had killed him.

Thomas looked at his hands horrified. They were full of Newt's blood. _Newt's_ blood. He was unable to breathe. Beneath him Newt's cold, dead body, full of blood, just like the floor and the knife and his hands. Thomas was still looking at his hands, his head burning. This was too much. He closed his eyes, trying to be able to think. And then the blood was gone, vanished. Thomas was kneeling on the floor in front of nothing but a carpet.

He closed his eyes again, focusing on his breath. He needed to calm down, needed to collect himself again. Thomas ran his hands over his face, weeping the sweat of his forehead. His hands were still trembling but he was able to breath normal again. That hallucination had felt real. Maybe because Thomas had already killed Newt once. Thomas _knew_ about the hallucinations, _knew_ that Newt was not real but this time, it had been different. He should not be able to kill a dead person again.

Newt was not dead.

Thomas shook his head. He knew Newt _was_ dead. He had stabbed him himself. Still, Thomas could not quite let go of the feeling that, if Newt really were dead, he would be dead in Thomas' mind, too. That he would not feel connected in a way that never let him feel alone because even in his darkest times, there was that feeling inside him that Newt was thinking of him. It was almost enough of a feeling to convince Thomas.

Almost.

Even though the blood on him had not been real, Thomas felt as if he had to take a shower. Maybe because he had not taken one in the last two days. And had gone on two runs. Also, there was cut off hair in his hair and on his neck.

He took a fresh shirt, pants and boxer shorts and stretched his neck for a moment before walking out of the hut. He was hoping no one would stop him on his way. He needed time to clear his head. He saw that girl, Harriet, looking at him from the distance, seeming concerned. Thomas shook his head subtle but Harriet had made no intent to talk to him anyways. She did not seem to care for Thomas more than a stranger, which was true, they had barely talked ever and she did not seem in favor of them having saved Teresa. Especially since Teresa had developed her new friendship with Sonya.

He got into the showers, they had not made the effort of giving every hut their own shower, they had always showered in the same place without caring so they just kept it that way. Now, Thomas wished he had his own shower because he was not in the mood to even see anyone. But most of them should be working right now so he just needed to make the best of his time alone.

Thomas stripped off his clothes and went into the shower, letting the warm water flow over his face, washing off the dirt and sweat. He let his fingers run through his hair, saw the water dripping off his nose and closed his eyes. He took the bar of soap and ran it over his skin to get cleanse the rest of the dirt and the imaginary blood.

He was still unsure of what to feel about his hallucination. It had felt so unbelievably real to Thomas. Newt's hands on his body, his presence, his _lips_ , his _blood_. Despite of his previous realization that he had wanted to kiss Newt, it came crushing on him once again. He had been moments away from _kissing_ Newt.

"Tom" He inhaled sharply. Teresa had the ability to turn up just at the wrong moments. Moments like Thomas thinking about kissing Newt. His _girlfriend_ had turned up while he had been thinking about _kissing_ his _dead best friend_. There was so much wrong with this thought that Thomas made an internal note to never ever talk or even think about it again.

Thomas turned around, not making an effort to cover himself even if it felt slightly weird that Teresa was seeing him naked. Fortunately, she had the dignity to not stare at his body but looked directly into his eyes. He liked that about her. He looked right back, awaiting an answer.

"Minho is looking for you." She sounded cold. The change in her voice felt like a stab into Thomas' heart. Not as big as the stab into Newt's heart.

"You did not wake me up this morning", Thomas said, raising his eyebrows. She did not make an effort to show any feelings.

Teresa blew air out of her nose. "You didn't talk to Brenda and Minho doesn't seem to like me more than he did yesterday."

Thomas sighed. "I am not responsible for what my friends think of you, Teresa. I tried talking to Minho, he said he would accept you and I haven't had the time to talk to Brenda yet. Also, didn't Minho send you here?"

"You have the time to talk in your sleep, Tom", she answered. She sounded hurt. Thomas could understand her, but he had done his best trying to talk to Minho, it just had not worked out. But the more important thing was what in hell did he say in his sleep.

"I'm also not responsible for my bad dreams", he mumbled.

"It did not sound like a particularly bad dream, Tom", Teresa said while shaking her head. "It's not a pleasure waking up to your boyfriend moaning some dude's name."

"I definitely did not moan anybody's name", Thomas said. He was aware that his voice may have sounded panicking, he could not remember his dream. "I was dreaming about the things Wicked had done to us." That was a horrible excuse but Teresa seemed tired of fighting.

She let her head hang and nodded slightly, not entirely convinced. "Get dressed, Minho wants to plan the party this evening." She threw a towel at him and left him in the shower, even more confused than before. Teresa turned around once again. "I like the hair".

The party. Right. Every month came a new Greenie up in the box with resources. Every month there was a party thrown to welcome them. Minho had loved that tradition, so did Gally. Thomas was not very fond of it, the only party he had ever been at was the one where Gally had punched the living hell out of him until he had remembered his name. The good thing about the party had been his talk to Newt. He had finally had the feeling that _someone_ was not just playing with him for his own fun, but telling him things he had wanted to know. Something inside him deeply smiled by the thought of Newt in the glade.

For what felt like the hundredth time this day, Thomas pulled on his clothes and looked at himself. He liked the hair, too.

As soon as he went out of the showers, a strong arm was put around his shoulders. Minho ruffled through his hair and smiled. Thomas smiled back. He always felt kind of smaller next to Minho, even if they were about the same height Minho had to be much stronger than him.

Thomas pushed Minho off him and patted his back. "Hey, man."

Minho's smile grew even wider and he pulled Thomas into another half hug. Minho had always been affectionate, not afraid to touch someone else, always showing people how much he adored them, contrary to Newt who was much more uneasy when it came to touching most people.

"You look better than yesterday!", Minho said, pushing Thomas away, holding him by his shoulders and studying his face. "I like your hair, you look like the sexy bad boy you were when you saved hundreds of children back in the Last City and almost blew Janson's head off."

Thomas laughed at the flirty way his friend described his hair. "That's quite a compliment, Min", he said. "Teresa said you needed me?"

"Right." Minho nodded and raised his finger. "Today is the day, Thomas!"

Minho had always been quite exaggerating. "I know. The party. I remember the one you threw me. You got pretty drunk and tried to make out with a tree", Thomas teased.

"That never happened." Minho gave him a glare of death. Thomas just smiled, knowing that Minho was definitely right but he was having fun knowing Minho was probably not remembering the evening.

"Today _is_ about making out, though", he continued with a sleek smile. "I am going to kiss Harriet!"

"You are what?"

"Harriet! Brown hair? Extremely beautiful and so goddamn badass. She's a blessing for all women out there", Minho said and Thomas could swear that there was a slight change in the tone of his cheeks.

For a few moments Thomas just stood there staring at him. "You want to make out with Harried? Isn't she, you know, way too cool for you?"

Minho looked as if Thomas had just insulted everything that was sacred to him. "I am the coolest person we both know", Minho said very serious. "And she likes me I think. It'll be fun! Gally's made his juice and we are going to do the wrestling matches again and the fireplace so it will be romantic and I will be there and she will and then it happens." Minho got more and more silent to the end and was looking at the ground.

"You like her!", Thomas exclaimed. "You really like a girl, oh Minho that's so cute!"

"I don't! I just think she's cute and I am cute and I can have fun, too, you know? You and your girlfriend have been fooling around in the camp all the time so why can't I?"

He laughed and patted Minho's back. "You deserve to fool around in the camp, Min", he said, smiling brightly. "I hope that girl thinks you're cute, too."

Minho nodded and looked at the ground some more, maybe to hide his even redder cheeks. Thomas smiled, too. He had never seen Minho show interest in anyone, he had never been a big fan of Teresa and had never tried to do something with Brenda or any boy. And the way he looked like when talking about Harriett made him smile. It was almost like Gally talking about Ben, just less _love_.

He looked around the camp, seeing people sitting together, laughing. Others were carrying stuff around or training to fight with a sword. Vince was showing them basic attacks Thomas should definitely revise again.

"You've overslept, you know?", Minho said. Thomas mumbled something apologetic, knowing that the Gladers were not fond of others sleeping long, it was just how their system worked. "It's not a problem, you definitely looked like you needed it." Minho smiled reassuringly.

"Well, I'm here now", Thomas said. "How can I help you?"

Minho grinned at him. "You can help me get wood and look at Harriet from the distance. And you can help me find a way how exactly I'm going to kiss her."

"Min", Thomas began. "Have you ever, you know, kissed someone?" Thomas knew kissing was not that hard but how should Minho know? That girl somehow meant something to him and Thomas was worried he would panic and fuck it up even if that was totally not Minho like. It was Thomas like. He had _stabbed_ Newt instead of kissing him.

"I, euh, not exactly, you know? I mean I think before we got put down I may have kissed some girls while we were playing truth or dare?"

"You guys have played truth or dare?", Thomas asked. He and Teresa had never actually been living together with the others and missed out on those things. "What even is truth or dare?"

"Oh yes! We'll play truth or dare tonight!", Minho nearly shouted. "It's a game where you ask someone 'truth or dare' and then you either ask them an embarrassing question or make them do something to embarrass themselves. Like, I would tell you to kiss Gally because it would be hilarious and you would want to hit me afterwards." Minho smiled so brightly at the image in his head that Thomas wanted to hit him already.

They had played games like this. Newt would have played them, too. Did Newt kiss some girls while playing this game? A sudden flash of jealousy went to Thomas' stomach. He hated the thought of Newt kissing someone else.

"Yeah, that'll be fun!", Thomas said, not entirely convinced. But Minho sounded so happy at the thought of playing this game again that he felt unable to say no. He either ignored the undertone in Thomas' voice or just did not hear it. "What else did you play back in Wicked?"

Minho bit his lower lip. "I don't really remember, you know? I mean, they gave me back my memories but it's blurry and could be made up. It was like that, once a week or two we snuck out of bed and went to the girl's room. Pretty sure Wicked knew about it but they didn't think any bad of it." He looked lost in thoughts. "We had a bottle of water and played 'spin the bottle', the one who spins had to kiss the one who the bottle was pointed at." So Newt had kissed someone. Great. That was just so great.

He should not be angry at his friend for he, himself, had a girlfriend right now and Newt was dead, but it felt bad to know Newt had kissed other people and not him. Thomas had lost himself in his trail of thoughts about jealousy so he missed Minho's last sentences.

"Have you played that in the Maze, too?", Thomas asked. Minho looked at him suspiciously.

"No, not that I can remember", he answered raising an eyebrow. Thomas shrugged it off and sped up, walking to the small forest where they got their wood.

They walked in silence to a tree stump and Thomas hit it with his axe. When he raised his head, Minho was looking at him as if he had gone mad. Thomas proceeded to hit at the stump while plainly looking into Minho's face. It must have hurt him to look at Thomas.

"Dude stop!", Minho said and took the axe's handle out of Thomas' hand. "You have to chop off the wood, not just shucking hit it! You're not angry at the tree."

"Give me back my axe!", Thomas said and laughed. "I was just messing with you, Min. Newt taught me how to do that back in the maze. I just wanted to see your disappointed face again. You've treated me like glass since we arrived here, you gotta stop that you shank."

Minho did not give him back the axe. He chopped off pieces of wood by himself, not giving Thomas an answer. He sighed and sat down on the ground, still looking at Minho.

It may not have been his actual intention to make Minho feel disappointed at him but when he did, Thomas had noticed how much he had missed normal treatment from his friends. It was the truth that Minho never annoyed him anymore and that made Thomas feel empty. It was not just Minho, Brenda was nicer than ever, too. And he needed them to stop doing that.

"I mean, Thomas", Minho sighed and chopped off more wood. "You've just lost your best friend. It's not easy to get over that."

Of course this was about Newt. What in his life was _not_ about Newt?

"Maybe you _make_ everything about me." Thomas rolled his eyes that it almost hurt. He did not want Newt to know that he was actually great to see him, even his ghost. Thomas could not stand having killed him a second time. He looked up, seeing Newt's face, Newt's smile, made his heart beat faster. He had not killed him again. Newt was there, with him. Newt's ghost was.

"You've lost your best friend too, shuck face. It's not like I'm alone with those emotions. You've known him your whole life. This must be as hard for you as it is for me." Minho did not look him in the eyes. "Treating me softer than ever is not going to help me. It makes things less normal."

Minho swallowed hard. "You and Newt were different. I miss him and I feel sad every day but you've also known him all your life but you two were always different."

"Yeah, we were.", Thomas said smiling sadly while looking at Newt. "It's been a month now, you know? A month since he died. It's not gone any better."

"A month?", Minho asked. He chopped another piece of wood of the stump. "It's weird that it's so hard for me, you know? It's almost as if he had been dead for seven months, for me. I've seen him for one day, barely an hour but it feels as if I've lost a part of me, you know?"

"Loosing Newt was the hardest thing I've gone through", Thomas said. He could not keep his eyes off Newt.

"You've got a relationship with your _soulmate_ out of it", Minho said. He knew that Minho was being sarcastic but it was the truth. Still, Thomas would swap his newly won relationship for Newt's life.

He smiled softly. "I don't know. I mean, Teresa and I could have become a couple if Newt had been here, you know?"

"You wouldn't be with Teresa if Newt was here", Minho said softly. "She'd be a constant reminder to what you would have nearly lost."

Newt looked at Thomas and smiled. Internally, Thomas knew that that would not be the only reason he and Teresa would not be a couple. He needed Newt to vanish now, because he needed to tell Minho something that Newt should not hear. As if Newt had heard his thoughts, he vanished.

"Newt was so easy", Thomas said looking up at Minho. He chopped off another piece of wood and looked at Thomas, encouraging to speak. "He was perfect. Back in the Scorch when we were searching for you, it was kind of hard to be together with the other sometimes. We felt hopeless and fought a lot. But Newt? I just had to look at him and he knew to bring me away. He and I were not annoyed, I don't think we've fought even once, you know? From the moment Wicked took you away, it was me and Newt against the rest of the world."

Minho smiled softly. "I think you two were destined to stay together", he said. "If Teresa is what you want than that's your choice and I want you to be happy."

"I am", Thomas said.

The rest of the day was running around and preparing everything. Thomas barely had any time to think about anything, really, so he was surprised when Brenda and Minho called him over to ignite the fire. The view he had was incredible. Hundreds of children sitting around a huge unlit campfire, some on benches and some on the ground. They were talking and laughing. He spotted his friends sitting at the front. Teresa was with the girls, Sonya, Harriet and Liv. Even Aris was with them. Brenda, Minho, Gally and Frypan were sitting at the other end of the huge bench. Minho was constantly looking over to the girls but the others were waving at him.

Thomas took the lighter from Jorge and together with Minho, walked to the fire. He lit a piece of paper that burned brightly and for a long time. Minho patted his shoulder and looked at him, smiling a huge smile. Thomas could not help but smile back.

"To Newt", Thomas said.

"To Newt", Minho replied. "Bitch." Thomas laughed and threw the paper in the fire. Newt's ghost was something he would not see this night, Thomas was sure of it. The only thing he caught a glance of was a smile Newt threw to him from the other side of the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not want to be written so I'm sorry it took so long. The next one is possibly going to be the most important one until now. I hope you liked it :)


	6. Truth or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys play truth or dare and spill the secrets :)

Alcohol.

Alcohol was a weird thing Thomas did not really know what to think about. He knew it tasted horribly, most times, but made you feel great, most times. He also knew it made you behave stupidly and made you dumb. He did not like not being in control of himself, which was hypocrisy because he almost always got himself and his friends in situation where he was unable to be in control of anything. Still, he was unsure if he wanted to feel like that tonight.

"C'mon, Thomas", Minho giggled in his ear, clearly not on his first cup. "It'll be more fun if you drink, too. We only play Truth or Dare drunk!"

Thomas laughed at Minho's tone and took the cup out of his hand with a small thank you. His friend was still throwing glances over to the girls group with Harriet. Thomas would not have a problem with talking to that group, his girlfriend was in it, but Minho was too shy to ask, even if it was totally unusual for him to be shy. He chugged down his cup.

Thomas sat up, trying not to look too stupid. Alcohol was really something. Gally was sitting next to him on a log while Brenda was laying on the ground, leaning her head against Gally's leg. Frypan was sitting in front of her, laughing about some kind of inside joke only they found funny. It was peaceful. Still, he felt the need to help Minho out of his sad and very pathetic situation.

"Guys", he said, not noticing that he was talking way too loud. "Let's play Truth or Dare with the others!" He tried to make himself sound exciting, which worked wonders.

Gally turned to him. "What others?", he asked.

"The girls and Aris!", Minho shouted back, also louder than necessary. "He looks so lost, we gotta help a bro out!"

Brenda laughed dryly. "Minho wants to make out with Harriet. He's been staring at her for almost an hour now."

"That's not true", Minho said shocked. Everyone was looking at Minho, letting him know that he was a really bad liar. "Okay, okay. I'll get us drinks, you'll get a bottle and the others. Deal?" Without waiting for an answer, Minho jumped up and walked away.

"You know", Brenda said. "I did not expect this night to be us helping Minho get laid, but honestly, I'm not too surprised."

Gally laughed and patted her head. Thomas would have mistaken it for an affectionate gesture, Gally trying to seduce Brenda, but since their talk, Thomas could only see Gally with Ben. Frypan on the other side was definitely trying to flirt with Brenda and she was doing the same. They were laughing, subtly touching each other or sharing cups.

"I'll get them", Thomas said.

He stretched his neck and pushed himself up. The alcohol was very effective, his vision went blurry for the bliss of a second. While walking through the people, another cup was pushed in his hand and Thomas chugged it down completely, ignoring the urge to spit it out again. He felt the warmth in his chest and could not keep himself from smiling. The smile grew even wider when he saw Teresa.

She looked beautiful. Her hair was straightened and in a high ponytail that she was waving around. Her lips were bright red and she was wearing a dark blue blouse that was framing her decolletes. The blouse was tucked in a black skirt.

Thomas must have been standing there for an eternity until he finally caught himself again. He touched Teresa's shoulder softly, making her turn around and smile at him. He cupped her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her tenderly. Teresa tasted like alcohol but Thomas must taste the same. She laid her hand in his neck, holding him for some more seconds until they parted.

Liv was giggling and wiggling her eyebrows, what was extremely annoying. Harriet and Sonya were looking on the ground a bit ashamed and Aris was just plainly looking into Thomas' face.

"The others were asking if you wanted to join us for a round of truth or dare", Thomas said, laying his arm around Teresa.

"Oh, yes!", Sonya said, smiling at Harriet, who did not seem that excited. "That'll surely be fun!"

Some thing Thomas had never noticed was that Sonya and Newt had very similar accents. He raised an eyebrow. They were also looking very similar. Blonde hair, pretty brown eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but decided that this was not the right moment.

Aris nodded and Liv made some more giggling sounds. How could someone be that annoying? Only Harriet did not seem convinced but Sonya's begging glances made her agree.

"Minho's got the drinks. We've got a nice place where it isn't too crowded. Does any of you have a bottle or something?", he asked and pulled Teresa closer. He did not like the looks one of the boys had given her.

Harriet emptied her water bottle and gave it to Thomas. Sonya's smile grew even wider when the other girl smiled at her afterwards and whispered something. Thomas was no good lip reader so he had no clue what they were talking about.

The group settled down with the others. Brenda was still leaning against Gally's leg but Frypan was now sitting next to her. Liv placed herself next to him and immediately tried to talk to Frypan, which earned her an angry look from Brenda. Aris patted Liv's shoulder reassuringly and sat down next to her, followed by Teresa and Thomas, who pulled his girlfriend into a hug and made her lay down against him. Sonya sat next to Teresa and pulled Harriet next to her, which was great for Minho because now, there was a free spot between Gally and Harriet in which he sat down.

Minho gave everyone a cup and poured alcohol in them. "Okay guys, you know how it works. I spin the bottle, whoever it points at gets asked 'truth or dare'. If you take truth, you will be asked a question and will have to answer it honestly. If you take dare, we'll make you do something and you'll have to do it. If you refuse, you'll be excluded from the game and you have to drink five shots. Got it?"

Everyone nodded and mumbled something approving and Minho spun the bottle. Thomas did not know why he was so excited for the bottle to be spun. He internally thought about all the questions he could ask people or all the cringe things he could make them do. There were also all the things they could ask him or make him do, that was not a great thing.

The bottle stopped and pointed at Gally. "Truth or dare, Gally?", Minho asked and wiggled his eyebrows. Gally groaned jokingly.

"Truth, Minho. I'm not gonna kiss your shuck face, I know you want it", Gally replied and grinned at him.

"What was your first kiss?", Liv squealed. There was no better word to describe the sounds coming out of her mouth. She squealed.

Gally looked up at the sky. "The first one I remember was back in the Glade with Ben."

"Who's Ben?", Brenda asked Frypan, who replied with something like "Big strong boy, tall, runner."

"We want more details, Gally", Sonya said and winked at him. Thomas smiled. He liked Sonya. She was genuinely kind and funny but respected other's privacy. She was also badass. Thomas had seen her fight and had nearly been killed by her. And when they had saved her from Wicked, she had been thankful and told them so.

Gally smiled brightly. "It was way back in the Glade. I think it was his first day as a runner. He and Minho came back late and I was in a bad mood because I was a bit worried. Newt and I were waiting for them. They came back shortly before the doors closed and told us they figured out when the Maze changed. They were so happy."

Minho chuckled at the memory. "Yeah. Newt hugged me for the first time that evening. He shouted at us and then, when I told him we had figured it out, he looked at me with this look where I wasn't sure if he'd kill or kiss me and then he hugged me. A lot. And he told me he was proud of me."

Thomas smiled at Minho. He knew that look from Newt. He'd gotten it a lot over the last year with the boy. When Thomas came back from his night in the Maze, or from his adventure in the Scorch with Brenda. Also a few times after he did something stupid in the Scorch, when there was only Newt and him. Most times he was sure Newt would kill him if he had not nearly died already. But sometimes, there was just the slightly sure Newt would kiss him.

"Exactly. Newt jumped at you, hugging you and Ben just looked at me, smiling. His smile made my heart race. He asked me if I had been worried and told me he would always come back for me and not leave me alone. He told me I was _cute_. Minho and Newt were busy making out or something,", Gally proceeded.

"Dude! We were planning what to do and writing down what we had found out", Minho said. "We were _not_ making out." Thomas laughed slightly.

"Whatever", Gally said. "They were busy _planning_ so I went to the kitchen to get Ben something to eat. We talked a bit and Ben flirted with me, what I didn't notice back then until he pushed me against the wall and started making out with me."

Liv squeaked and reached out to take Gally's hand and squeeze it. "I'm so so sorry for your loss! You sounded cute!" Gally looked disgusted but smiled at her.

"Thanks", he said with a faked smile. He then took the bottle and spun it.

Thomas did not know if he was just drunk or if the bottle span an excruciating long time but when it stopped, it was pointing at Brenda who was immediately dared to sit in Frypan's lap which they were both very fond of.

There were a few rounds of Thomas being dared to kiss Teresa or others being asked questions that made them blush hard. When the bottle finally landed on Minho, everyone was quite drunk and Minho made it hard not to see how happy he was that it was finally his turn.

"Truth or dare?", Thomas asked, knowing what Minho expected of him.

"Dare", Minho said. He tried hard to keep it cool but Brenda was giggling at how happy he was that he was being asked.

"I dare you to kiss Harriet", Teresa said with a flirty voice. Harriet gave her a look that Thomas could not really interpret. He also did not know why Teresa had dared Minho. They had not talked about it. Had Harriet asked her to do it?

Minho grinned and Sonya laughed and pushed Harriet towards Minho who held out a hand. It felt wrong to look at them but Thomas really wanted to see what would happen. Harriet took Minho's hand and closed her eyes, leaning forward. It did not take long for their lips to meet.

Thomas could nearly feel the tension. His own heart was beating faster. Minho laid a hand on Harriet's waist and she cupped his cheek with hers. They looked great together. And from what Thomas knew of Harriet, she was a nice but very sarcastic girl, exactly someone Minho would like. And she seemed to enjoy it, too. They looked as if they were forgetting that the others were there. Thomas looked around. Sonya grinned at her friends and Liv looked as if she was short before exploding.

Brenda and Frypan were smiling. She had moved from his lap between his legs and her head was lying on his chest. Only Aris did not look as if he was enjoying this very much. His lips were pressed together and he was trying hard not to look at them. Sonya frowned and looked at him meaningful to which Aris cleared his throat loudly. Minho and Harriet parted quickly and were both blushing a lot.

"I don't wanna play any more", Aris said.

As soon as he was gone, Thomas turned around to Teresa and looked at her, questioning. "Sonya says he's got a crush on Harriet", Teresa whispered. "Harriet says it's not true. I'm not sure about it. I mean, he really wants her to be happy. I think he's just used to being the only boy in their lives."

"You're used to being the only girl in my live", Thomas said and kissed her head.

Teresa shrugged. "Not really, there was Brenda. Also, you never really seemed interested in any girls at all." She took the bottle and span it. It landed on Thomas.

"When did you fall in love with T?", Liv asked. Thomas rolled his eyes internally. He had no idea how to answer this question, he just knew he had to because his lovely girlfriend was waiting for an answer.

"Uhm", he said. "I've just kinda always been, you know? I mean, I've been in love with her since before the Maze and, euh, when I saw her again I didn't need to fall for her again, you know?"

"You guys are so cute!", Liv screeched. "I want to find a boyfriend like you, Thomas. You're so sweet, the way you care for T is just so cute."

Teresa smiled unsure and looked up at Thomas. He kissed her softly, which earned them another screech from Liv. So Teresa thought he was a good boyfriend. That was new. He suppressed a sigh. He missed Newt and just wanted to sleep at this time.

"Do you know what day it is?", Teresa whispered in his ear. She shifted around so their bodies were nearly fully touching. Thomas raised an eyebrow. "We are going to have sex tonight."

Right, there was that. Thomas' heart was racing now. "Yes!", he said. "I'm really looking forward to it." He realized how stupid that sounded but she did not say anything.

Thomas spun the bottle, which landed, pointing at Sonya. "Truth or Dare?", he asked.

"Truth", Sonya said and smiled a tired smile. "I really don't want to kiss any of you dudes. And I would also like to stay dressed. Thomas smiled back at her. He really liked Sonya.

"What was the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you?", Frypan asked and started playing with Brenda's hair.

Sonya frowned. "I think it was when they told me I had a brother", she said. Everyone went quiet.

"You have a brother?", Thomas asked. He had a bad feeling about this. A blonde, tall, skinny girl that somehow seemed familiar had a brother.

"Yes", Sonya said. "Newt."

Brenda sat up and Minho stopped fiddling with Harriet's hair. Sonya smiled shyly. He felt Teresa take his hand to help him but the blood in Thomas' veins was rushing in his ears and his heart felt as if it was bursting.

"It's weird", Sonya said and laughed drily. "He's said about three sentences to me but I still miss him. I've barely known him."

Harriet pulled her into a hug. Thomas looked at the ground. This was bad. This was really bad. Newt had had a sister.

The others continued playing for another few rounds but Thomas just sat there, quietly. He nearly wanted Newt's ghost to turn up and talk to him but he was alone. Not completely alone, his girlfriend was cuddling him.

He was snapped back to reality when Teresa whispered in his ear that she wanted to go. They excused themselves, what no body actually cared about since Minho and Harriet were kissing again, Gally and Sonya were talking about Newt and Brenda and Frypan were still in their own world in which Liv was sitting weirdly next to them.

Thomas knew what Teresa's plan was, but he was in a really bad mood. The only thing in his mind was Newt. He did not know why that message hat hit him that badly but he missed Newt a lot and could not focus on Teresa right now.

She dragged him after her into their hut and kissed him tenderly. Thomas let her lips guide him, trying to make the kiss as soft as possible. She pushed his shirt up but Thomas backed away. He grabbed her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"Teresa", he said softly. "I'm not really in the mood. Can we do this tomorrow?" He stroked her shoulder and cupped her cheek.

She went forward to kiss him again. Her hands were on his waist and her lips were soft but tasted like alcohol. "It's okay Tom", she mumbled with a husky voice. "I'll get you in the mood." She kissed him again, softly pressing him against their door.

Thomas shook his head and pushed her away, gently. "It's not because of you", he said. "The night has been weird and I'm, I think I'm drunk and I would just like to wait." He felt dizzy, needing to lean his head against the wall. It was warm inside and he was nauseas."I don't feel so good."

Teresa looked concerned and maybe also hurt, but not ready to give up her plans for the night. She took a step forward, pressing her body against his and kissing his neck. "Don't worry", she said between kisses. "You have all the time you need. You can do with me what you want."

"It's not because of you!", Thomas shouted. He pushed her away again. She was not listening to him and that was making Thomas sick. He felt completely blurry and that was not even a feeling. His head was buzzing. He was not actually angry at Teresa but he wanted her to stop touching him.

"What is it then?", she shouted back. She did seem angry. "Why are you pushing me away, Thomas?"

"As I said", he said, quietly. "The night has been weird. So much has happened, and since Sonya talked about Newt, I've just been feeling weird. Newt-"

"Oh, so this is about Newt?", Teresa said and raised her eyebrows. "Wow." She turned around and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Thomas had no idea what all that was about but he did not want to hear it.

Teresa was shaking her head and then spun around. "Of course it is about Newt, you're always about Newt!", she shouted. "I should have fucking guessed it but no, I thought as soon as he died, you would _once_ prefer me."

"I'm always about Newt?", Thomas asked. He felt calm, too calm. "Don't you think that if I were always about Newt, I would not be your fucking boyfriend?"

"Why do you think you only became my boyfriend _now_?", Teresa dodged. "Exactly, because you're always about Newt. Now he's dead and you care about me a bit more."

Thomas snapped. He was not always about Newt. "I only care about you now? I came back for you!"

"You came back for Minho"

"I came back for both of you while Newt died in the process.", Thomas said. Why did she say all those things. It was ridiculous. Thomas had always cared about her.

"You've always been all about Newt!", Teresa shouted at him. "In the Scorch when you came back with Brenda you two were all over each other. In the Maze, you were always running after Newt. Back at Wicked, you were barely talking to me because you were busy sneaking out to meet up with Newt. And when he got send up, you were not doing your work any more because you were busy watching him on the stupid screens. And then you decided to betray Wicked for _him_. You were _always_ completely about Newt!"

Thomas just stood there. "Wicked gave you back your memories? You lied to me?", he asked. Teresa was looking back at him furious.

"No they didn't. Why do you think that?", she asked, confused. Teresa had not noticed what she had just told him. But she was not lying. If Teresa had not gotten her memories back, they must have never been erased.

Thomas opened his mouth. "Because you remember. They never erased your memories, right? You knew. All the time." He went forward while talking, making Teresa back off until she was standing right in front of the bed.

"Tom, I-", Teresa tried. She took his hand but Thomas hit her hand away and went a few steps back.

"No!", he cut her off. "You've known. You've known about the ending. You knew Gally would come and kill Chuck. You knew we had not been safe in the facility."

"Tom", Teresa tried again but Thomas was shaking his head. He was furious now.

"You knew what they would do to Minho. You knew about the virus. You knew-", Thomas' voice broke.

"Tom." Teresa was crying now but Thomas did not care any more. He had forgiven her enough things too many times.

"No, Teresa! Don't ever call me that again", he said. "I, you knew Newt was not immune." He was whispering now. That was hell. "You knew he would die."

"I'm sorry", Teresa whispered but Thomas just shook his head. He was drunk and hurt and short before crying but he was totally sure of what he wanted now.

Thomas took a deep breath to make his voice sound normal. "That's it Teresa. We're done. You've fucked up for good this time", he said and immediately went out of the hut.

As soon as he was outside, Thomas let himself fall against the door. The cold air was filling his lungs and he closed his eyes. Minho. Minho was the only one he wanted to see now. He got up and ran to his friend's hut. Thomas hit the door and heard footsteps, a scruffy looking Minho opened the door.

"You okay, Thomas?", he asked and ruffled his hair. Luckily, Harriet was not there with him.

"I broke up with her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter again. I mean, it was huge! Teresa and Thomas broke up? What happens now? I promise you, I know and I'm already working on the next chapter!  
> I have a Tumblr, by the way, which is also called "Meretzka" and if you want I would post updates about the fic there and just rant about it, really.  
> https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/meretzka


	7. Living and Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad Things happen!!! Good things kind of happen?? Idk I'm just happy I posted and the next chapter WILL come soon and it will be longer I promise!! I just wanted to get this done before I go to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ANXIETY ATTACK  
> It's not a long part, just skip the part where Minho and Jorge are talking inside the hut. You'll get what was talked about later on.

Thomas would have liked to say that he had never had had a worse night sleep but he actually slept pretty well. Minho let him sleep until the sun was up and woke him up with a cup of tea and breakfast Frypan made.

"Morning, Sweetheart", Minho said and held the cup out. He helped Thomas sit up and smiled patiently until he was actually awake.

"That's exactly how I like to wake up, Minho", Thomas said. "When exactly have you become my new girlfriend?"

Minho smiled. "When you broke up with your last one", he said and ruffled Thomas' hair. "How are you?"

He took a bite out of Thomas' bread before he handed it out. Thomas took the bread and leaned back. He had no idea how he felt.

“Why are you so nice to me?”, he asked. “It's very unusual.”

Minho frowned, breathing steadily. “I believe it's because you've had a rough night. You look unbelievably bad.”

Thomas laughed drily. His heart was beating fast at the thought of the last night, unsure of how he would be expected to behave. Luckily, Minho did not expect anything of him. A sudden wave of love and trust for his best friend overcame him. Minho was the best person he knew. He had told him repeatedly how his relationship with Teresa would turn out and still, he was not a bitch about it, neither was he being a smart ass.

“So, I've got a parasite living with me now, am I right?”, Minho asked and winked at him. Thomas could not hold back a smile.

“You've got your best friend living with you, shank. Don't worry, I won't get in the way of your hookups. You ain't got some.”

He earned a pinch for that comment. “Neither do you. You dumped the one person who liked you!”

Thomas grinned. He closed his eyes for a second and did not even need to open them for him to know that another person had joined them. He was at the point where he could feel Newt's presence without seeing or hearing him.

The boy was standing in the doorway, looking as if he had just opened it, had run to them. His hair was out of place and his lips were brighter than usual. Thomas really wanted to run his fingers through his hair. It looked fluffy, standing up, not really framing his face. In his mind, Newt always looked paler than usual.

If he thought about it, it was weird how Thomas kept describing Newt as if he wanted to tell someone how he looked. As if he had to tell himself how Newt looked. But if he were describing the real Newt, he would not be using the same adjectives over and over again. Looking at Newt made him feel things unable to describe with words but if he had to, he would not call his hair “fluffy”. He would call it roughly voluminous but still shimmering and and soft. Newt was marvellous.

He had not noticed that he was zoning out, Minho was looking at him funny. “You got something to tell me?”, he asked, grinning.

“I broke up with her”, Thomas said, more to Newt than to Minho. Newt smiled.

“Damn you did. You're happy aren't you?”

Thomas nodded. Newt was looking into his eyes and Thomas was looking right back. They were smiling at each other and suddenly, Thomas knew this could not be the end of them.

“And you gotta tell Brenda”, Minho added. Thomas hat no idea what he had said before that but just went with it. “She's gonna love that.”

Thomas nodded, agreeing. “She is. We don't trust Teresa any more.”

Minho laughed. “I never did, Thomas”, he said. “You were the only one who wanted to include her in your plans. What changed?”

“She betrayed us”, he said, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah, I know that. But you wanted to trust her again and again and again. Be honest. What changed your mind. Why did you break up?”

Thomas was fiddling with his fingers. He was unsure if he should tell Minho all of that. The betrayal, maybe but he was unsure if he wanted Minho to know about his sex life.

“She knew. All the time.” Those words were like a trigger to him, as if all the hurt he had felt in the prior night just came back. “She knew about the Ending, about the Maze's exit and about the lies. She knew about Wicked, about the Immunes and those who were not. She knew about Newt, about Janson. She knew all of it. Her memories were never wiped.”

Minho's jaw was clenched. “They deserve to know”, he said.

“I know. I'll tell Brenda and Jorge and Fry And even Gally. You can tell whoever you want. But don't radicalize it. She's not our enemy, I suppose”, Thomas said, defeated.

“Go now”, he said.

Thomas knew Minho was not angry at him but it still felt as if he had let down his best friend. His chest hurt from his pounding heart and he hoped desperately that he would not meet Teresa on his way to find Brenda. He pushed himself up and was nearly run over by Jorge who wanted to go into Minho's hut.

“You okay?”, Thomas asked, laying one hand on his shoulder.

Jorge looked surprised to see him there. “Yeah, Hermano. I need to talk to your friend here. You were on your way?”

Minho and Thomas shared a look and Thomas exited the hut.

“What is it?”, Minho asked. “What makes an old man like you come running into my home at this time of the day?” He motioned for Jorge to sit down but got thrown off by his serious face. “Jorge, what's going on, tell me.”

“Wicked”, he said and it was as if Minho's heart dropped to his pants.

“No”, he said. His voice was faint, not even scared, just silent. He relived years of pain, of torture and fear within a minute. Minho's heart was racing, he felt as if he was going to pass out. He made fists with his hand, trying to get control of them. Darkness slowly crept over the edge of his vision. He looked up to Jorge, trying to get his help, trying to catch himself again. He did not know if he wanted him to be here or if he just wanted to be alone. His heart was going to explode, he was dying, this was the end.

He knew Jorge was talking to him, asking something but Minho could not function. He did not hear any of it. He buried his face in his hands, trying to get away from all this. He needed air, this needed to end. He felt Jorge grab his shoulders, trying to get Minho's attention. If Jorge had done this seconds earlier, he would have exploded. Minho would have just died right there. But the thing was gone as fast as it arrived and Jorge's voice brought him back to reality. He was still shivering and breathing heavy.

Minho did not expect Jorge to lift him up and pull the boy in a tight hug. He closed his eyes, tried to relax a bit more which worked, in a way. They stood there for a few minutes, Jorge let Minho calm down, held him close until Minho released himself from the hug.

“Are you okay?”, Jorge asked, concerned. “That looked bad. Was that the first time that happened?”

Minho shook his head. “No”, he said. “Used to have those in the Maze sometimes. Some of the other boys did, too. Went away in the Scorch, just didn't have enough time to think. This just triggered something in me. I'm sorry for bothering you.”

“You never bother me, boy. I was just unsure how to help you. I'm glad it's over. Do you think you are ready to talk about Wicked?” A heat of love raised up in Minho's heart. Jorge was great. He was grateful not to be judged.

“I have to. What happened?”, Minho asked.

“They were spotted on our radar. A lonely berg. A few hundred miles away but they are coming closer with every hour. They are flying through the entire ocean. They are looking for us.”

“How do we know it's them?” Minho began moving his leg nervously. “Could be anyone. And our radars are huge. Hundreds of miles are a lot. They think we're dead. Can't be them.”

Jorge sighed. “It is. The spot on our radars matches the one of their bergs. The way they fly, too. I'm sure it's them, Minho.”

“They died!”, he said. “We burned Wicked to the ground. The very few of them that survived must have gone full Crank by now. They know we're dangerous, why would they come looking for us?”

“You know it's them”, Jorge said. “You're not stupid, Hermano. You know and I know. And they will find us. We will have to attack first or they will find the Safe Haven.”

Minho stood up and began walking in circles as Jorge watched him. His mind was running through all possibilities, all that he could do to avoid them.

He had expected anything but a big hug from Brenda. She threw him over the log he was sitting on, pressing him to the ground, her arms closed around his waist. His head hit hard on the dirt but Thomas honestly did not care. He hugged back until she stood up. She held her hand out, helping him to his feet.

“Gally!”, she shouted, making the boy turn around, stopping his work. “Ziggy!” Thomas smiled at the name she called Frypan but the boy also turned around. She moved her hands, waving them over to her and Thomas. Her smile was beaming, she was jumping from her toes to her whole feet. As soon as they arrived, she slapped Gally's arm repeatedly. “They broke up! They broke up, life is great again! The sun is shining brighter than ever, the birds are singing.”

Frypan looked at Brenda with raised eyebrows, trying to tell her that she was not being nice at all. Gally smiled. It was a weird smile, Thomas was not sure what it meant. It was kind of approving, trying to reassure Thomas of what he did.

“Why did you guys break up?”, Brenda asked. Thomas took another deep breath. He was already tired of telling this story.

“She never lost her memory, knew everything the whole time.”

“I'm sorry dude”, Frypan said. “That must be hard. If you wanna talk about it, we're always there.” He patted Thomas' back.

“It's really okay, I just need some time alone. I'll go run a bit, get her out of my head, you know”, he said. Thomas turned around but was stopped by Gally pulling him into a hug. This was the most physical contact he and Gally had ever had. Thomas was unsure whether he liked it, or really not. Gally leaned forward so that he could whisper in his ear.

“The only reasonable breakup from your soulmate is death”, he said softly. Gally did not want the others to hear what he said, this was just for him and Thomas. This was about Ben and Gally and this was probably about Newt. Thomas would have to figure that one out, too. He would have to think about all of this, about him and Newt again. And maybe he would do that now. Maybe it was not as hard as he wanted it to be.

Minho sighed as he saw Thomas walk away. “It's better if we don't tell him right away”, Jorge said.

He turned around. “Tell him what? What even is our plan, Jorge?”, he asked and made fists with his hands again. Minho was getting nervous as Wicked was getting closer and closer. His heart began racing again but Minho tried breathing slowly, keeping himself calm, as calm as possible.

“We will have to fight them. I've got a plan, Minho. We need more people, okay?”

“Why can't we tell Thomas?”, he asked. “Thomas has always been with us. He's one of our best. He's most angry at Wicked and the strongest fighter I know. I would feel a lot better if we would ask him.” Minho looked over to Thomas walking away. He knew his friend. He could see Thomas fight in his inner eye. He could see the way his friend's eyes turned dark as he shot members of Wicked. Punching them in the face while lighting their world on fire. The dark Thomas was the scariest thing Minho had ever seen but also the one Minho felt the most protected by. Thomas had a great aim, not as good as Newt's but a hell lot better than many people's. Thomas was also strong and, what Minho would never tell him, a great runner with a lot stamina.

“Thomas has just left his girlfriend. He's been different since we arrived. I'm pretty sure he's not in the right mind to fight right now”, Jorge said. “The others are just as great, Minho.”

Jorge was right, Thomas was not in the right mind to fight against Wicked. Minho would probably scare him, make him relive his worst fears. Minho nodded.

The pair sat down at the log the others were standing at. Jorge looked serious at Brenda while Minho was just looking at his hands, trying to remain calm. “Frypan, it would be nice if we could talk to Brenda and Gally alone”, he said. Minho admired the way he could get everyone to do what he wanted. Frypan just nodded concerned and walked away while his friends sat down.

“I need to tell you some bad news”, Jorge said. Minho decided to just let him talk and not interrupt or share his feelings to the news. “I was keeping an eye on our radars and noticed some weird spot. I watched them closely, monitored their movement for a few days and then I was sure.” Brenda looked at Minho as if she already knew what he would say. “It's a berg. Wicked's berg. Before you ask, yes, I am sure. I know how they fly and work and I know they are searching for us.”

“What does that mean for us?”, Gally asked dull.

“We cannot let them find us.”

“That's obvious”, Minho said. “But what are we going to do about it? How will we keep them from finding us? This is _bad_ , isn't it?”

“Let him talk”, Brenda said with a slight smile. “He already got a plan.”

“Exactly. We won't let them find us. We'll get you three to an island a few miles away from here. They stayed there the last night. You guys will get there tomorrow morning. You should definitely be able to find them, they're five at most and won't see you coming. You three can do that.”

Brenda nodded. “Finally some action!”, she said and jumped up. “I'll get us weapons and then we'll practise!”

Minho looked up at her. His chest tightened and his head was hot. How was she enjoying this? Brenda was a risk taker, yes, she was dangerous and fast and strong. But all her life she had been under attack by either Wicked or Cranks or just anything. She should be happy to finally have a safe home.

Gally looked tired. “We can do this but that will definitely not be fun, Brenda”, he said. Minho could not agree more.

“This is shit, guys. We'll destroy them and then they won't ever try to get at us ever again”, Minho said angrily. His fists were raised a bit and slowly but steadily, his panic turned into anger.

Wicked was shit. He would destroy them. He would get there and kill every single soldier while telling them how stupid they were to mess with him. To mess with the Gladers. How stupid they were to trap them into a Maze for two years, to betray them again and again. Who were they to kill good guys like Ben, to kill an eleven year old boy like Chuck. Who were they to not tell them about the non immunes. It was their fault Winston died and even more their fault that Newt did. Who were they to kill his best friend just because of virus they would die from. Newt did not have to die from the virus. Who were they to take him hostage for six whole months, to nearly kill him and make him feel as bad as ever while his friends died trying to rescue him. Wicked was the worst thing he had ever known. Minho would make them pay for all this. He would make them pay for all they did. He would take revenge. For Ben and Chuck. For Winston and Zart. For Thomas. For Newt. He would make them pay for Newt.


End file.
